Chapter Eight - Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned (5)

But ... ahem ... being a fearless chauvinist, I took up the challenge and chomped the food with gusto, commenting that they tasted marvelous.

"Good! Good! Eat more then," replied my other maleficent half as she took a few sips of the curry soup with her spoon. I was taken aback - the spiciness did not seem to bother her. She sure was one tough cookie.

Anyway, it started with a sniff. Then, sweat came out of my face like a squeezed sponge. Eventually, tears rolled down my cheeks and my nose was running. In order to preserve my manly pride, I drowned myself in gallons of water - hell, I was breathing fire! - and continued eating.

To say that I was extremely glad when I finished my last bite would be an understatement; I was dying back there! But that was not the end of the story, oh no, certainly not. The coup de grace of her vengeance came when the effects of the spicy food applied pressure on my bowel. I had a weak stomach and Suet-foong knew it ... oh, the skunk! The call of nature was too much for me to bear. I made a dash for the toilet and unleashed my poo-poo of epic proportions.

When my tummy was cleared, I used the toilet paper to clean myself. The next instant I felt my anus was on fire! Quickly I checked the toilet roll: there were traces of chili pepper all over it. Then I recalled Suet-foong had used the toilet a few minutes ago; she must be the culprit behind this dastardly act! Screaming in pain, I came out, naked from the waist down, and made for the bathroom. Unfortunately, Suet-foong was inside taking a bath, or was she? I thought I heard her laughing her brains out. I banged on the door pleading with her to let me in, but she replied cold-heartedly: "No way, you two-timing fink! If you want to save your red-hot ass, use the stream at the back of the house instead!"

There was no time to lose. I shot out of the house faster than the speed of light. Thankfully, the knee-deep stream was just a short distance away. I jumped into the cool waters, landing bum first on the sandy bottom. And there I sat like a contented monk who had attained nirvana as the burning sensation began abating.

A little while later, Suet-foong, wearing a feral grin on her face, came to the riverbank near to where I was. Holding a torch light, she flashed it at me. "Had enough, Dumdum?" she asked.

"Yes, my darling angel," I replied in submission. "I've learned my lesson well. Never again shall I deceive you."

"Is that a promise?"

"Scout's honor," I said, holding up three fingers.

She roared and walked back to the house in triumph.

Yup, do not play her for a fool. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned - especially if she was Suet-foong.